Last week Beyonce finally came forth and confirmed her marriage to Jay-Z, saying, "I don't deny it. I just don't talk about it. (Uh, can you explain that to Usher, please?) We have never talked about us and it has kind of protected our relationship. A lot of actresses that have had successful relationships don't talk about them, so neither do I. I just want to protect my private life." You go, Bey-Bey! However, after coming across the following write-up in Hip Hop Weekly a couple of weeks ago, I literally laughed my ass off when I read it. I'm pretty sure some of yall will too! Oh, and to you 'can't-take-a-joke' Bey & Jay STANS: don't even think about sending me any hate mail! LOL! Not today. I ain't having it. To all you others wanting to indulge in a few Monday morning/mid-afternoon giggles, please proceed.
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Now, I also doubled over in a fit of laughter after seeing this in my inbox sent to me by Real Gossip 101 reader Henny Penny.
Beyonce's vows went something like this:
Beyonce: Jay, I remember the first time I saw you. You were looking at me. I was looking at you. I wasn't sure if you liked me. Then Solange, who has a new album coming out this summer, she said that you liked me but I didn't believe her. Fast forward to our first date. I was so nervous, I was almost ready to cancel, but Kelly, who just re-released her album Miss Kelly, told me that night I could be going out with my future husband, and six years later she was right. So here today I stand, your wife, a woman, a worldwide woman, which is also the name of a song available on the Deluxe Edition of B-Day which is still available on iTunes, if anybody here today would like to buy it in lieu of a wedding present. I remember when you proposed to me and I just wasn't sure, so I called my mother, who has a new line of senior citizen lingerie coming out this fall, HI MAMA!
Tina: HEY BABY!
Beyonce: I remember being nervous that I wouldn't be a good wife. I remember mama telling me that I had a good man, and that I should be confident in the fact that our love and respect of each other will get us through, and if that didn't work I could always just poison you and collect the insurance money.
Tina: Beyonce sit your ass down! You were supposed to keep that to yourself.
Beyonce: Oh...sorry mama. Anyway I'm so proud to be standing here today. Jay, you have become my addiction, I’m so strung out on you I can barely move but I like it...
(Ne-Yo stands up)......
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Ne-Yo: Umm...I wrote that last line.
Beyonce: No you didn't.
Ne-Yo: Umm yeah I did. "you have become my addiction, I’m so strung out on you, I can barely move but I like it..." That's from my song "Because of You." I wrote that last year.
Beyonce: Umm..no, I wrote my vows by myself.
(At this point, Baby Daniel comes and electrocutes Ne-Yo with his stun gun, and escorts him out of the wedding...)