Monday, June 2, 2008

TOP TEN THINGS OVERHEARD DURING JAY-Z & BEYONCE'S SECRET WEDDING ANNIVERSARY.

Last week Beyonce finally came forth and confirmed her marriage to Jay-Z, saying, "I don't deny it. I just don't talk about it. (Uh, can you explain that to Usher, please?) We have never talked about us and it has kind of protected our relationship. A lot of actresses that have had successful relationships don't talk about them, so neither do I. I just want to protect my private life." You go, Bey-Bey! However, after coming across the following write-up in Hip Hop Weekly a couple of weeks ago, I literally laughed my ass off when I read it. I'm pretty sure some of yall will too! Oh, and to you 'can't-take-a-joke' Bey & Jay STANS: don't even think about sending me any hate mail! LOL! Not today. I ain't having it. To all you others wanting to indulge in a few Monday morning/mid-afternoon giggles, please proceed.


CLICK ON THE PICTURE TO FOR A CLEARER & READABLE VIEW.

Now, I also doubled over in a fit of laughter after seeing this in my inbox sent to me by Real Gossip 101 reader Henny Penny.
Beyonce's vows went something like this:

Beyonce: Jay, I remember the first time I saw you. You were looking at me. I was looking at you. I wasn't sure if you liked me. Then Solange, who has a new album coming out this summer, she said that you liked me but I didn't believe her. Fast forward to our first date. I was so nervous, I was almost ready to cancel, but Kelly, who just re-released her album Miss Kelly, told me that night I could be going out with my future husband, and six years later she was right. So here today I stand, your wife, a woman, a worldwide woman, which is also the name of a song available on the Deluxe Edition of B-Day which is still available on iTunes, if anybody here today would like to buy it in lieu of a wedding present. I remember when you proposed to me and I just wasn't sure, so I called my mother, who has a new line of senior citizen lingerie coming out this fall, HI MAMA!

Tina: HEY BABY!

Beyonce: I remember being nervous that I wouldn't be a good wife. I remember mama telling me that I had a good man, and that I should be confident in the fact that our love and respect of each other will get us through, and if that didn't work I could always just poison you and collect the insurance money.

Tina: Beyonce sit your ass down! You were supposed to keep that to yourself.

Beyonce: Oh...sorry mama. Anyway I'm so proud to be standing here today. Jay, you have become my addiction, I’m so strung out on you I can barely move but I like it...

(Ne-Yo stands up)......

CONTINUE READING THIS POST BY CLICKING 'READ MORE AFTER THE JUMP!'

Ne-Yo: Umm...I wrote that last line.

Beyonce: No you didn't.

Ne-Yo: Umm yeah I did. "you have become my addiction, I’m so strung out on you, I can barely move but I like it..." That's from my song "Because of You." I wrote that last year.

Beyonce: Umm..no, I wrote my vows by myself.
(At this point, Baby Daniel comes and electrocutes Ne-Yo with his stun gun, and escorts him out of the wedding...)

12 comments:

Anonymous said...

#4, 5, 6 and 1 has me in tears!

Anonymous said...

I saw this while I was in the store about a week ago. Love me some Jayonce, but even us fans gotta admit this ish was too damn funny!

Murda1 said...

LMAO all of em are str8 comedy.

remyred said...

9,5,4,3 and 1

[.ImThatBitch.] said...

lmao! That was funny

BeauTfulN9tmare said...

Oh my.... Why would Jim Jones even be there? He ain't nobody.

FACE/OFF said...

Too Funny!

SimplyComplex said...

Lawwwdddddd...

MacBarbie said...

that's good shit!!! LMAO @ beens & memph working the VALET!!!

(¯`·._.·[***Fresh&Fab***]·._.·´¯) said...

lmao,

hilarioussssssssssss

i love it

Sane said...

HAHAHAAH - The Nas and Kelis one killed it for me.

lilkunta said...

SBG: When did Bk confirm it? She gave an interview to some1?

Also, the thing henny penny sent 2 us is from that bk stan website beyonceitis.com. Ita a funny website. U should go there & read the post written after Rihanna won her grammy & pull jigga onstage, its hilarious!

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